Tsjuder

Desert Northern Hell

Season of Mist

9 tracks; 49:30mins

objective: adj. not influenced by personal feelings or opinions.

Located above, is my guideline for this review. I'll admit, my review style tends to be more of a snapshot of my particular listening experience, at the time of listening, than a fair and objective opinion. Compare it to a painter, who captures his feelings and emotions with each sweep of the brush. It is not necessarily pre-meditated, or thought out. It is a spur of the moment reflection of thoughts & feelings. I understand that it may not be fair to the band, but it is as honest as I can get without it feeling contrived or forced. Anyway, in fairness to the band (and my editor) the following exudes all that is objective.

Tsjuder, a band conjured up from the frothing pits of Hell. A band whose sole purpose is to destroy every last shred of humanity that you hold so dear to heart. A band of miscreants, who declare on the back of their disc "no keyboards, no female vocals, no f**king compromises!" A band sooooo evil, they make thy lord Satan seem as cute and cuddly as My Little Pony. In all honesty, Tsjuder really aren't that bad, they just aren't that good either. They fall into that 'been there, done that' category. A category frequented by 90% of today's Black Metal bands. But all is not lost my fellow metal fiends. Tsjuder dishes up this slop with such incredible ferocity, that you soon find yourself caught up in the torrent of hate-filled emotion, if only fleeting. Combining technicality with hypnotic simplicity, Tsjuder brew up a brutal - albeit, not quite convincing - concoction. The high-end, busy-bee production normally associated with the progenitors of the genre is not to be found here. In fact, I would venture to say that this release is a little to polished sounding, making it feel much to safe. Tsjuder would have benefited from a rawer production sound, which may have added that 'True Norwegian Black Metal' seal of approval. This just feels to calculated - to rehearsed.

What Tsjuder does very well though, is to capture the overall feeling of the album's title. Picture this: you awaken alone, unaware of your surroundings. You realize you are no longer in your cozy, down-filled canopy bed, clutching your stuffed Miss Piggy doll (am I the only metal guy who still sleeps with a stuffed toy?). Terror slowly sets in as your senses become attuned to your situation. As far as the eye can see, an unforgiving, barren, ice-covered tundra. In the distance looms a coming winter storm. A leviathan of such enormous proportions, making the sheer beauty of it beyond human comprehension. The sky slowly fades to black as the storm envelops you, yet you find yourself strangely at ease within the ensuing chaos. You, my friend, are lucky enough to have been caught in 'Desert Northern Hell'.

Jason Deaville